Thursday, August 7, 2014

On Tuesdays We Drink Pink

A few weeks ago I received a text message at 10 o'clock on a Tuesday night instructing me to come to the bar. I was moments from getting into bed, but I figured I could go down for one drink just to say hello.

The night ended at 2:30 in the morning with me sitting pantsless on my living room floor, devouring a pizza that had not been given enough time to cool, shouting, "LORELEI F#%!ING LOVES YOU, LUKE. QUIT BEING A DICK!" at my TV.

Things got a little out of hand, and I blame the Vodka Collins.

That delicious pink elixir transports me back to a simpler time. A time when the syrupy sweetness of grenadine didn't immediately make me consider calorie counts. A time when getting accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night was kind of expected. When my nights out were bankrolled entirely by all the student loan cash in my checking account. When the only responsibility I had the next day was a class that I was just going to blow off to watch twelve straight hours of Top Chef in my dimly lit apartment anyway.

A time when I was 21.

I've recently added a few younger people into my social circle (including an especially feisty 21 year old). It could be because they're awesome and super fun to be around, but it's probably because the last time I was home my dad chuckled and pointed out that the hair on the top of my head was getting pretty thin, and now I'm trying desperately to still be young and hip.

As if I was ever hip.

It was with this group that these poor Tuesday night choices were made. And I paid the price. The rest of the week was shit. I'd fallen behind on sleep far too early in the week, so when 8:30 on Friday night rolled around, I got a text that was all, "Where are you? Are you still meeting us out tonight?," and I was all, "I've been in bed for two hours, don't call here again, f#%!er."

You can imagine my hesitance when I was informed that due to the "success" of the previous week, Drunk Tuesdays was now a thing, and I was to start planning my life accordingly.

They just didn't understand...

I just can't bounce back like you guys anymore.

So Tuesday rolled around, and I adamantly refused to join. I'd worked two shifts that day. After I paid my cell phone bill, I was going to have $6 in my bank account for the rest of the week. And I was still trying to bounce back from drinking until dawn around a campfire for "Roomie Reunion: Wilderness Edition" that Saturday. Another drunken late night was absolutely, positively, under no circumstances, out. of. the. question.

But it would be rude not to stop down and say "Hi."

I was there for maybe ten minutes before I shouted, "F#%! MY PHONE BILL!" and ordered two more drinks.

If you're legitimately concerned for my well being and troubled by my recent decision making. Don't worry. I am too. And I know about all of the choices I've made that I haven't blogged about.

This phone bill should have been paid weeks ago. I've had the money in the account, sitting, waiting for me to call in and just make the stupid payment. But my bank account just looks so empty once that money is gone. So I put it off. I got text message reminders letting me know my account was past due. I got warnings that they may need to discontinue my service. I even got a voicemail asking me to kindly review my account balance and deal with my shit.

I was totally gonna pay it too. Like a bunch of times. I would get one of those text messages and think, "Oh yeah, I gotta do that...once I finish this photo shoot on Kim Kardashian: Hollywood. Or I'd listen to a voicemail and be like, "I haven't done that yet? Once this episode of Buffy that I've seen a billion times is over, I'm totally on that." I got as far as calling in and setting up the payment, but in the end it asked me to enter my account's PIN number.

Which is something entirely new to me, so I just hung up and ate pizza rolls instead.

So by the time Tuesday rolled around, there was a good chance that my phone was going to be disconnected due to my own idiocy. As I sat with my first drink, (purchased by a friend who had taken pity on my sad financial state) I started to think it through,
"I'm getting paid on Friday. I'll easily be able to pay the bill then. And it's Tuesday night meaning there's only like two days before that. I could dip into that phone bill money just a little bit. Even if they did turn my phone off. I could survive two days without it. In fact, it might even be good for me. I really shouldn't be as dependent on my cell phone as I am. You know, now that I think about it, this might honestly be the best thing that could happen to me right now."

Someone else should be making the decisions in my life.

The night was a blast. The morning was a disaster. I should have known better.

Karaoke is different though. I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow.

No comments:

Post a Comment